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The current year signifies a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {