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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?